Discussion of Sleeping in the Cold

Lord Invictus

Chapter 1 is pretty bad considering it has almost nothing to do with the actual story of Karo becoming a Sith, but it will improve shortly. I expect I will be able to have Karo discovered by a Sith in chapter 2 while chapter 1 remains as the simple story of how he was discovered. This'll become a longer fanfic, and will probably take several months to complete.

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Rive Caedo

Interesting. We really don't see enough cold weather in Star Wars.
Hoth is obviously the most well known icey planet of Star Wars, but I'd recommend using another one. It's a bit hard to believe that Hoth turned from being "devoid of life" to having "one of the smaller villages" with "roughly 10,000 citizens" in under 40 years.

You should also probably act with a bit more subtlety with your Middle East allusions Razz

Besides those two issues, I'm still enormously impressed with how much the quality your writing style has improved over the past year.
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May The Force Be With Us, Always

Lord Invictus

ER... Middle Eastern allusions? Question

I had no intended allusions. It was just a battle over oil... Smile

Erm... I don't know of any other icy planets in Star Wars, so I went with Hoth... I considered 10,000 citizens to be rather low though (maybe just a group of workers wishing to profit off of fuel sources found on the planet)...

EDIT: I was listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JImcvtJzIK8&feature=related when I wrote this... don't know how messed up that made my writing... Very Happy

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Rive Caedo

This reminds me somewhat in terms of tone/style of my own extremely infrequently updated "From the Journal of Rive Caedo" so far - starting off before the character was Force imbued and following them on a mostly solitary route.
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May The Force Be With Us, Always

Lord Vexen

The only other icy planet I can think of is Ilum.
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Rive Caedo

Dakoth

Not bad at all, my only suggestion would be to lighten up on the "air quotes" ever so slightly. too many and things seem to sound sarcastic and take you out of it. well to me anyway.
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Audi famam illius Aftershock.

Xander Vos

Lorrd is gaining recognition - it was a planet seen in Betrayal where Jacen first encountered Lumiya - and I think I mention it somewhere in DE?

And we need to remember that planets do encounter cold climates just as regularly as Earth... even if they are known for forests or so on.

For instance it could be set on Naboo close to one of its ice caps for instance? We have people living in the Arctic Circle...?

I haven't actually read any of this yet, so an ice planet may be vital to the plot.

I'd assuming Wikiying Hoth would find it in a category called "Ice Planets" or something similar, which could help you out.
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Time to start again.

Lord Invictus

An ice planet isn't really "essential" (EAT IT DAKOTH Razz

) to the plot, as the planet's required characteristics are "terrible climate (with storms of some sort and stuff,), outter rim, has low population, etc.... creepy places in the original trilogy ish stuff" and I was thinking Tatooine instead, but I decided the title "Sleeping in the hot desert sand while Tuskens brutally attack you with a machete and jawas electrocute your droid in THE SAND STORM OF THE HUTTS!!!!1!!111! RAWR!!" sounded too good for you guys Very Happy

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Dakoth

I like the ice motif, it helps fortify the picture of cold, brutal sith.
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Audi famam illius Aftershock.

Lord Invictus

I updated it with an anti-climactic battle. Eat it.

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